Grief is a strange, foggy landscape. For the first few months after a loss, it feels like walking through a thick fog. You can’t see two feet in front of you, and the silence is deafening.

But then, ever so slowly, the fog lifts just enough to let a little light in. And sometimes, if you are paying attention, that light hits something specific. A feather. A flicker of electricity. A number.

Over the past 10 years, I have lost three extremely important people in my life. What I have realized is that love is simply too powerful an energy to just vanish. It transforms…and changes shape. For me, it has shown itself in a variety of ways.

For my mom, the signs began the very day we said goodbye. We were driving to her Celebration of Life, hearts heavy, dreading the finality of the day. As we pulled up to a stop sign, a butterfly flew right in front of our windshield. But it didn’t just fly past; it lingered. It fluttered there, hovering in front of the glass as if to say, “I’m here. I’m ready. Let’s go do this.”

Since that day, the butterfly has become her signature. It is no longer just a pretty insect to me; it is her stamp of approval. Every single time I have had to make a difficult, life-altering decision since she passed, a butterfly has appeared.

And then there is George. The love of my life. Losing him was a tearing of the fabric of my reality. His signs are specific, undeniable, and deeply personal to our history.

Sometimes, the signs are physical. In those first few raw months after he died, I went for a massage, trying to find some release for the tension in my body. As I lay on the table, the lights in the room began to flicker.

It wasn't a malfunction. I knew instantly who it was. For that hour, tears gently fell down my face—not out of pain, but out of recognition. I felt his presence so strongly in that room, wrapping around me like a warm blanket.

When George was alive, "143" was our shorthand. It’s the old pager code for "I Love You" (1 letter, 4 letters, 3 letters). It was our message.

The first time I saw it after he passed, my heart nearly stopped. I was visiting Orlando, getting ready to drive past the house we had lived in together—a place filled with memories. I was anxious and sad. I looked down, and there it was. 1:43.

Since then, he uses it to interrupt my stress. During a recent trip, my flight was cancelled. I was stranded, exhausted, and incredibly stressed. The airline gave me a food voucher, and I went to buy a meal, feeling defeated. When the cashier rang it up, the balance I owed after the voucher was exactly $1.43.

In the middle of a chaotic airport, I smiled. It was George saying, “Relax. I’ve got you.”

Our Hawaii Connection

But the most recent AND profound sign is the Monk Seal.

Our last vacation together before his passing was in Hawaii. We loved the islands; the peace, the ocean, the spirit of Aloha. It was a happy time.

Two years after George passed, our son was getting married. The wedding was on a beach in Hawaii. It was a beautiful day, but there was a hole in the universe where George should have been standing. And then, we saw it.

These are rare, endangered creatures. They are solitary and soulful. To see one is a gift; to see one on that specific day felt like a miracle. There, on the sand, George was present for our son’s wedding.

I went back to Hawaii the following year, wondering if it was a one-time occurrence. It wasn't. I saw a Monk Seal again.

For me, the Monk Seal embodies George’s energy—laid back, distinct, a little bit rare, and his presence as calming as the waves crashing along the shore. It is the memory of our last happy trip frozen in time, visiting me in the present.

Because George and my mom loved each other so much, I am sure that the butterfly is now also a signal from both of them. George knew that I was always hyper aware of the butterflies and the presence of my mother. Therefore, I think they have now teamed up because he knows that I am more likely to spot their presence.

From my most recent travels, they showed up in the darndest places…from a window display, to a piece of confetti on the ground, and even the roll of toilet paper!